


Remedy

by Bill_Longbow



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Near asphyxiation, Panic Attacks, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 09:17:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12105546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bill_Longbow/pseuds/Bill_Longbow
Summary: Bucky has found his place in the tower. After a gruesome recovery, he's finally happy, and amongst friends.But then fate delivers him a blow by letting him contract the very rare hanahaki disease...





	Remedy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fancy_Dragonqueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fancy_Dragonqueen/gifts).



> Lots of thanks to blue_pointer for cheering, and for enmuse (scifi roots) for beta-ing!
> 
> Comments are always welcome, hope you enjoy.

Looking back, he can pinpoint the exact moment everything went to shit. He was out running with Steve early in the morning.  Sometimes they liked to add a little parkour to their daily run and visit their old haunts. That day they had ended up in Bed-Stuy, where Steve was using way too many flips and somersaults, whooping while he  jumped from one building to the next.  
  
"You're compensating for something punk?" he hollered after him. Steve just laughed at him while doing another impossible jump, and Bucky rolled his eyes as he jumped after him, inwardly enjoying Steve's exuberance. He wished the man would let go like this more often instead of playing Captain America all the damn time.  
  
They were nearing that bakery they had discovered, and Bucky was compiling an order in his head (chocolate eclairs for Nat, plain old jelly donuts for Tony), when he nearly got floored by a stabbing pain in his chest. What the hell? He narrowly avoided doubling over, scrambling for cover instead, as he scanned the nearby buildings. He didn't see any movement, so he took a moment to take stock of his injury... which wasn't there.  
  
Quelling a rising sense of panic, he patted himself down again, while still searching around him. He had been shot in the chest enough times to be intimately aware of the feeling, but he didn't find an entry nor an exit wound. No blood, clothes undamaged. Okay, it could be a dart. Eyes still searching for anything out of the ordinary, he felt under his hoodie… Nothing but unblemished skin. The piercing pain in his right lung had subsided somewhat to a dull ache, but he still felt a little short of breath.  
  
Behind him he heard Steve had come to a halt and was doing a perimeter check, inching his way back to Bucky. Good man. Bucky wrecked his brain trying to come up with an explanation, but he came up short. He checked himself again, no wounds, no woozy feeling of being tranquilized, no sounds in the vicinity indicating that someone was near. Just a dull throbbing pain in his chest.  
  
It might be a new form of panic attack? He decided to keep the pain to himself. Steve had been his rock this last year, always supporting him, never turning him away. But Bucky could see the toll it took on his best friend, how he had always looked tired, despite the serum. He had witnessed Steve become more himself again, each month that Bucky got better. He didn't want to worry him, now that things were finally looking up.  
  
Steve had seemed to come to the same conclusion, that Bucky got startled into a panic. He came to a halt next to him and sat on his hunches. He kept a little distance between them and didn't speak, just waited him out, for which Bucky was infinitely grateful. There had been a few incidents where Steve had tried to comfort him, which had resulted in a broken nose and in one horrible instance, a knife against his throat. Bucky had locked himself up for a week after that, only coming out at night when JARVIS was sure he wouldn't encounter anyone.  
  
A flush of warmth spread through him when he thought of the AI that had befriended him, followed by another stab of pain in his chest.  
  
He tried to relax and offered Steve a shaky smile. Steve seemed relieved as he gently squeezed Bucky's shoulder. "Time to go home, Buck?" He nodded. Home sounded really good right now.  
  
  
  
The weeks after that, Bucky was lulled into a renewed sense of calm. The dull throbbing in his chest was nearly all gone, and he could breathe freely again. He had talked about the incident with his therapist, and she agreed it could have been a panic attack as well.  
  
He had stepped up his meditation regime to counter this, where Bruce joined him a fair amount of the time. Bucky was just on his way to get him when he bumped into the resident genius. Or the other way around to be precise.  
  
Stabbing angrily at his Starkpad, phone held up by his shoulder, Tony was scolding some employee while going full speed around the corner. Bucky managed to keep Tony from falling, tablet pressed awkwardly between them. The phone clanged on the marble floor though, and skidded to a stop against the wall.  
  
For a moment they just stood there, Tony held flush against him, soft hair tickling his nose. Bucky could smell Tony's expensive shampoo and beyond that, a hint of metal and just _Tony._  He swallowed thickly.  
  
"Hello?" came nasally from the phone's speaker, making Tony snicker and Bucky jump away, the pain in his chest flaring with the sudden movement.  
  
"Why Buckaroo, I'm going to wander these hallways more often if it means I get a date with your chest..."  
  
Tony wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. He didn't break eye contact when he bent over to retrieve his phone. Bucky's breath hitched in his throat, and he felt his face heat up.  
  
With a wink and a pat on Bucky's chest Tony was on his way again, resuming his rant, leaving Bucky slightly breathless. Had Tony just stepped up his flirting game? Bucky shook his head, Tony flirted like he breathed, it didn't mean anything.  
  
Afterwards, he couldn't keep his head in the meditation. His chest still felt constricted and his mind kept wandering to Tony. Had he noticed Bucky's reaction? God, it had felt good holding the smaller man close...  
  
"You're alright? You seem tense today, James." Bruce looked at him with concern.  
  
"It's nothing. Wanna switch to yoga?"  
  
"You go ahead, I'm done for the day." Bruce gave him a timid smile and glanced at where Bucky was rubbing his chest subconsciously.

“I can look you over if you want?" He offered.  
  
Damn these Avengers and their damned observance. If Bruce had noticed then Natasha and Clint surely suspected something already. Question is what would they do with the info? He didn't even really know why he was pretending nothing was wrong.  
  
"Thanks Bruce, that's kind of you. I'll eh, I'll see you later okay?"  
  
  
  
******  
After Bucky had disappeared around the corner and he couldn't hear him anymore, Tony slumped against the wall, clutching the phone against his chest. It was getting increasingly difficult for him to act normal around the man, or well, what passed as normal for him. Being pressed up against Bucky's super pecs really hadn't helped one bit.  
  
He had covered it up with bluster, like he always did, and hoped the soldier hadn't noticed the tablet was pressed at a very _fortunate_ place, covering up his rapidly growing arousal.  
  
He sighed, he was getting too old for this. After his breakup with Pepper he'd decided he was done. Humans were difficult and too much work to figure out, leave him be in his lab thank you very much.  
  
The R &D minion's voice was still droning on from the phone. He resumed his journey, putting the phone on speaker. "Look Phillips, as head of the department I'm vetoing the production, end of discussion." He ended the call with a touch on the screen. He was going to install a 'slam the horn' function on the next StarkPhone.  
  
Stupid minions, if he found the time he was going to replace them with AIs. Hmm, maybe tiny yellow AIs, with little dungarees… Except for his ducklings, they could stay, he was very fond of his mini geniuses. "JARVIS, order a batch of muffins for the ducklings!"  
  
"Sir, that would be the third time in two days, you might want to consider a more healthy alternative?"  
  
"Nonsense J, when I was their age I flourished on a diet of whiskey and cocaine. Muffins at least consist of all the food groups."  
  
"Indeed sir." He was still amazed how _human_ his baby boy could sound. And as every human around him, JARVIS sounded mostly exasperated.  
  
He had arrived at the office of the person whom he had singlehandedly elevated to grand mistress of supreme exasperation.  
  
He waved at Mathilda, or Gretchen, or whatever Pepper's secretary was called. They exchanged a disapproving frown and a cheeky grin and he entered the office without knocking.  
  
He flopped himself on the couch because Pepper was on the phone, earning him disapproving glance number two in one minute. Not a record, but still good. He blew her a kiss and began compiling a list in his head of all the things he needed to pack.  
  
"Tony, I have exactly," a look at her watch, "three minutes before I have to go to my next meeting."  
  
He was glad to see Pepper's gaze was still fond. They were relearning how to be friends, which proved more difficult than becoming lovers had been. He sucked at playing in this emotional minefield, and he didn't have the stomach to go through this with someone else.

Someone funny and kind and _gorgeous_ . Truth was, he had no idea how to behave around the sergeant anymore. He had the tendency to come on too strong when he was nervous, James had looked at him funny just now, hadn't he? So to save their friendship, he'd relocate for a while, until his crush for Bucky was over. It would give him more time to work on his minion army as well.  
  
"Miss Potts, how wonderful to see you!" He gave her his best showman smile. "I've come to report that I've finished the latest upgrades to the phone _and_ the tablet. I've managed to decrease the battery size for the newest batch of phones for the holiday sales, and I signed all the stuff you left on my desk, _after_ reading it."  
  
He thought she would be pleased. He didn't think she would burst into happy tears or fall at his feet in adoration or something like that. But he had expected more than the narrowing of her eyes followed by a drawn out "Why?"  
  
"Because you're the best CEO a boss could wish for?"  
  
"You let me buy new shoes for that, this is something else." Her gaze turned less fond and more calculating. "What did you do?"  
  
He grabbed at his chest. "Pep! I'm offended, it's my company, my name is on all the products. Why wouldn't I work hard for that?"  
  
Pepper pinched the bridge of her nose, sure sign she was going to scold him.  
  
"Tony, in precisely one minute and twenty seconds I'm supposed to greet the Japanese ambassador, which means hours and hours of renegotiating the terms of our contract with their government. The merger with that Ukrainian tech company fell through, so I'm on damage control there. And speaking of damage control, we're still suing media and individuals left and right for slander about Sergeant Barnes."  
  
He winced when she mentioned James. The reveal to the public who and what the Winter Soldier was had been a media shit storm from the start. It was largely thanks to the tenacity of his wonderful Pepper and the army of lawyers he employed that James had been cleared of all charges, had received full honours, and got a nice back pay to boot.  
  
"I hope you understand I _really_ don't have time for any of your surprises. So. What. Did. You. Do?"  
  
He rubbed a hand through his hair. "I just have to be away for a while, Pep." He couldn't really look at her, but she never let him off easy, it was why he had hired her. She sat down beside him and gently tilted his head to face her.  
  
"Tony." Her eyes as soft as her voice. " It's James isn't it?" He hated that she could read him so easily.  
  
"I'm not going to let you run away. It will only get worse if you're alone to brood and stew, you know that."  
  
He did know that, but he preferred it over accidentally running Bucky off by being too... by being too much himself.  
  
"Tony," again with the soft, entreating voice, damn woman knew him too well. "I need you here, there are some big meetings coming up where your presence is mandatory. Please, Tony?"  
  
How could he refuse that? He just had to buckle up.  
  
  
*****  
Bucky made his way down to the lab, this was the place that never failed to make him feel at ease. He was there so often that Tony had issued him unrestricted access, which meant he could enter even when Tony wasn't in, like now.  
  
He had nearly choked up when Tony told him, recognising it for the gift that it was. They had steadily grown close. First struggling through the BARF sessions together, no better way to get to know a guy than through regular torture. Later they bonded over everything from cars to sci-fi, using the same brand of humour to deflect and to protect. He considered Tony his best friend, together with that large blonde knucklehead. Tony had to feel the same way, if he gave Bucky the keys to his inner sanctum.  
  
He huffed, who was he kidding? To him Tony was so much more than a _friend_. He didn't know when the tipping point was, but somewhere along the line he couldn't help but notice how beautiful the man was, how perfectly their bodies would fit together. And he couldn't stop imagining how it would be like if a friendly hug could linger, if he didn't have to pull back his arms, if his hands could stray to that perfect ass, if he could kiss along that jaw and bite that neck, if he could mark him...  
  
The heat that pooled in his belly was accompanied by a searing pain in his chest, making him stop and breath through it until it was bearable again.  
  
He continued to the workshop. He had finally decided to let Bruce look him over tomorrow. The pain in his chest was getting steadily worse, flaring up more often. It felt like it was spreading through his chest too. The idea that something was wrong enough to linger like this despite the serum had sent him spiralling into a panic attack only this morning.    
  
He refused to let all the hard won progress slip through his fingers, so medical exam tomorrow, but for now head in the sand, or elbows in the grease, whatever. He hoped getting his hands dirty on that old Camaro engine would help calm him.

  
The doors opened before he touched the keypad, making him startle a bit. Damn, he had been trying to avoid Tony since the hallway incident last week. He didn't trust himself anymore to not let his infatuation show.  
  
Tony met his eyes with a dazzling smile. "Hiya Bucking Bronco! Welcome to my cave of wonders!"  
  
Bucky did a double take, it was unfair how good the engineer looked. It was obvious he had just left a business meeting, but his suit jacket now hung haphazardly from the head of one of the armors, and Tony had the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up. There was already some grease on his pants and in his hair.  
  
He couldn't help smiling back like a loon. "Hey Tony, you're back early?" He put his hands in his pockets, so he wouldn't fiddle with them. Damn crush.  
  
Tony grinned mischievously, "I've tried out a new tactic today, I agreed with everything they came up with!" He rubbed his hands in glee. "After 15 minutes the first ones started to get nervous, after 30 minutes no one dared to say anything anymore!"  
  
Bucky laughed when Tony cackled like the mad scientist he really was. "So now I've got time to spare! Wanna work on that Camaro with me? I saw you lusting after her…"  
  
He sauntered over and slung his arm over Tony's shoulders. "You sure you're up for that Stark? This is a sensitive lady, can't just wow her with your showbiz smile. Gotta get the feel of her, touch her gently and listen when she purrs…"  
  
"Geez Frosty, no wonder they called you a ladies man back in the day..." It did absolutely nothing for him when Tony took off his tie and opened the top buttons of his shirt, no sir.  
  
The sweet smile he shot Bucky's way however had him doubling over and trying to get air in his lungs.

But he couldn't! He couldn't breathe! He wheezed like Stevie had on his really bad days, clawing at his throat, his chest. Like from under water he heard someone speaking, calling his name, but he couldn't breathe, there wasn't enough air!  
  
Dimly he was aware of someone strong entering the lab and getting ahold of him from behind, holding his arms and counting breaths. It didn't matter though, he couldn't fucking breathe!  
  
Then the coughing started, it felt like something tried to come out. Oh God, he was gonna die wasn't he? He struggled to get free and the hands helped him on his hands and knees where he hacked his lungs out. Body spasming in agony, every hard-won breath immediately resulting in more coughing.  
  
One painful slap on his back and the thing, 'alien' flashed through his mind, came loose and he spat it out. He fell on his back, gulping huge breaths, marvelling he was still alive.  
  
"Don't touch it!" somebody hissed. "Bruce is on his way with a containment kit".  
  
Bucky couldn't care less, still wheezing. Callused fingers brushed the hair back from his face, and he opened his eyes to a very concerned Tony.  
  
"You scared the living shit out of me Barnes! I have a heart condition you know..."  
  
He laughed despite himself, bringing about another bout of coughing.  
  
"You trying to get back at me Buck?" Steve asked, mock serious.  
  
He was grateful Tony and Steve tried to lighten the mood, but the concern was etched clear on their faces. He finally sat up, he didn't dare look at what had invaded his body, resting his head on his knees instead, Steve stroking his back.  
  
They stayed like that until Bruce arrived to take the thing away for examination. He took one look at the scene and ordered, "You're coming with me, all three, now."

  
*****  
God, Tony hated magic. Ask anyone. They would say, "oh yeah, Tony Stark, isn't that the genius, billionaire, philanthropist, _who hates magic with a passion_?"  
  
He was sorting through all the data, which weren't making any sense, dammit. He was a man of science and what was happening here was scientifically impossible. So he couldn't throw science at it to make it go away. His huge brain was useless, all his money was useless, he fucking hated feeling useless!  
  
He rubbed his face. "Okay Bruce, let's go over this one more time."  
  
  
*****  
Bucky stared at the x-ray. How was this even possible? Right there in the middle of his chest grew a fucking plant, out of some kind of bulb. And apparently what he had hacked up was a flower. A perfect blue iris.  
  
No wonder he was short of breath. And in pain. He fucking hated magic. And plants. And magical plants above all. It had to be magic. But they didn't know for sure, so here they were in quarantine, JARVIS projecting the x-ray on the glass.  
  
In the background Tony was arguing with Bruce and JARVIS, next to him stood Steve, large hand a warm comfort on his shoulder.  
  
"We'll figure something out, Buck, we always do."  
  
Steve sounded subdued, he must be terrified if he couldn't even muster his Captain's inspirational voice.  
  
Bucky nodded, but his heart wasn't into it. He had fought Nazis, monsters, villains, _his own fucking mind_ , even Steve, and he always came out on top. But how could he fight this?  
  
He slumped down on his cot, next to where Tony was working through the data, hands flying over a virtual keyboard. The pain increased when the engineer put his head on Bucky's shoulder for a moment in a silent sign of support. Fucking plant was growing again.  
  
"Got anything for us yet, Tony?" Steve was back in leader mode, it seemed.  
  
Bucky looked sideways as Tony shook his head. "Nope," he replied, popping the p.  
  
"We've done every test imaginable, and it seems you're in perfect health," Bruce chipped in.  
  
"Except for the flower vomiting part." Tony added, frustrated.  
  
"The good news is that it isn't fungal in nature, and it doesn't seem to interact with your body at all." Lifting his glasses and rubbing his eyes, Bruce continued. "But we have no idea how or why it's growing inside you."  
  
Bucky sighed, that was a relief. At least he wouldn't end up like those poor zombified ants he watched a documentary about.  
  
"We've gotta cut it out, it can't stay like this." Bucky rolled his eyes, leave it to Steve to take the direct approach.  
  
Tony jumped up and faced Steve down. "Oh yeah? We're going to carve the thing out of his chest without proper anaesthetics?" He poked his finger at Steve's chest, who honest to God cowered a little, Bucky hadn't thought he would ever witness that.  
  
"Do you know what it sounds like when they saw through your ribs? How it feels when they hold you down while someone has his hands in your fucking chest?"  
  
Steve backed up a little from the onslaught.  
  
"Well I do and it's never going to happen in my tower."  
  
Steve had the decency to look chastised, Bucky grinned.  
  
"We've put a call out to Strange, he will join us this afternoon. Until then I'm keeping you all in quarantine." With that Bruce left.  
  
  
*****  
He tried to sit close to Bucky, without being too much of a creeper. Tony couldn't stand letting him go too far away though, he needed the physical contact to reassure himself that, at the moment, Bucky was still here, still breathing.  
  
When it happened he had been too concerned to make the connection, and then too busy sorting through the data. But now they were waiting, he was working really hard not to panic. He had to wonder if *he* looked like that every time they dragged him out of the water in that cave, wheezing and coughing, grateful for every breath. At a hand gesture JARVIS began to list the current stocks of Wall street, Tokyo and Berlin.  
  
He closed his eyes and folded in on himself, arms around his knees, letting the monotone numbers drown out all the awful thoughts in his head. He was cold too, why was it so cold in here? He hunched even more, shivering violently.  
  
He startled when arms wrapped around him. Oh no, not again, they were taking him again!  
  
But they didn't drag him off, just held him very gently, and a gruff voice beside him stated, "Don't know about you Stevie, but I could kill for a cheeseburger right about now."  
  
"Well, I'll cover for you Buck, if you bring me one too." From the other side of him.  
  
"Sirs, if you would allow me, I could just order them for you." What was Jarvis doing here, and why was he reading the Nikkei index?  
  
The gruff voice beside him, _Bucky_ his mind supplied, chuckled. "That would be a lot less trouble, thank you, J."  
  
He cleared his throat, "A double bacon one for me J, thanks."  
  
"Of course sir."  
  
Bucky hugged him sideways. "Hey there genius, wanna watch a movie with us? We're stuck down here and Steve has a confession to make."  
  
He looked over at Steve who rubbed his neck sheepishly.  
  
"Spit it out punk, I'll keep the angry billionaire from attacking you." Bucky tightened his grip around him and its grounding touch was exactly what he needed in that moment.  
  
After an awkward cough Steve mumbled, "I like Captain Archer the best."  
  
Tony couldn't help the giggle that escaped him, making the two super soldiers grin proudly.  
  
He shook his head, "In light of recent events I'll let this one slide, but you'd better prepare yourself for a Star Trek marathon in the near future, Spangles."  
  
  
  
*****  
"Show-off," Tony muttered when Strange arrived through a portal, cloak fluttering, next to their quarantine room. Bucky elbowed him in the ribs as JARVIS paused Wall-E for them.  
  
"I've conferred with Dr. Banner, and I'm reasonably sure of what's ailing you." Strange got right to business.  
  
"I can tell you it's not contagious, the rest I'd like to discuss with my patient in private." He gave Tony a pointed look through the glass.  
  
Bucky scoffed, it was more likely Steve would butt in.  
  
"Whatever you've got to say, you can tell all of us!"  And there Steve went...  
  
"I'm sorry Captain, this isn't Avengers related, I'm sure, therefore …" Steve was gearing up to a speech but was stopped by Strange who held up his hand.  
  
" _Therefore_ patient-doctor confidentiality holds. Mister Barnes can confide in you, should he so choose, I however, will let him have this choice, _after_ I've given him the diagnosis."  
  
“JARVIS, please let us out.” The door to the quarantine chamber opened with a hiss and Tony pulled Steve along by his shirt. “J, black hole protocol for this room for the duration of their conversation."  
  
"Yes sir, cameras and mic will be shut down once you have left the room."  
  
Bucky gave Steve a tight nod before he was out of sight, leaving him alone with the sorcerer.  
  
"What's the verdict doc?" He'd rather hear it right away.  
  
Strange walked in and took a seat on the opposite cot, one leg folded over the other, fingers steepled on his knee. "The condition you've contracted is called Hanahaki disease. It's magical in nature, but it's not a curse someone inflicted upon you. Rather, it's raw magic, pooled together. It's an extremely unlucky happenstance."  
  
He really had no idea what to do with this information. He thought he'd had enough bad luck, being picked out by Hydra to be their murder marionette, but apparently the universe wasn't done with him yet...  
  
"Is there a cure?" He rubbed his face, he was sure he wasn't going to like the answer.  
  
Strange sighed and looked at the ceiling. "Hanahaki patients suffer from unrequited love."  
  
He narrowed his eyes, "What?"  
  
The sorcerer looked him in the eye. "This is why I requested the privacy. Hanahaki patients _always_ suffer from unrequited love."  
  
Suddenly he couldn't sit still, he paced up and down the narrow space between the cots, arms held firmly around his torso. "Go on..."  
  
"There are three potential cures. One, the love actually is mutual and you declare this to one another."  
  
Bucky shook his head violently. That wasn't going to happen, he wouldn't risk his friendship in that way.  
  
"Two, I remove your memories of your love interest, making the flower wilt and die."  
  
That option was even worse, he wasn't even going to consider that one.  
  
"Third, we operate and remove the flower, which will remove the feelings of love as well."  
  
He stood still, every option was horrible to him. "And if we do nothing?"  
  
"You die."  
  
Bucky squeezed his eyes shut and leaned against the glass. Of course. Remove the memories of, or feelings for the best thing that happened to him this century, or die. "I need some time to think about this doc."  
  
"Certainly. But James, it seems the process is progressing a lot faster than in non-enhanced individuals. Normally it wouldn't hurt as much and you would spit out one petal at the time. It seems the magic and your serum are at war with each other. I don't think you have much time."  
  
He heard the rustling of the cloak as Strange left.  
  
The despair turned to anger. He pulled at his hair, why the fuck was this happening to him, hadn't he suffered enough? He punched his metal fist straight through the glass wall, making it instantly opaque.  
  
He let out an anguished cry and proceeded to punch and kick everything that he came across. He only calmed down when he had thrown one of the cots straight through the remaining glass.  
  
  
*****  
As soon as they were in the elevator Tony let himself slump down. After the initial panic he had kept up a brave facade for Bucky's sake, joking and making light of the situation. Now though, he could barely hold up his own weight. Steve beside him was not much better off.  
  
He closed his eyes and thought of all the horrible things Strange could be talking about right now, and Bucky who had to brave it alone. "Don't know about you Cap, but I could really use a hug."  
  
It seemed Steve had been waiting for this because the sentence was barely out of his mouth or he found himself in a back crunching bear hug, the super soldier folded all around him.  
  
"He's gonna be okay Tony, he's gotta be," Steve sighed. For once Tony didn't have an answer ready.  
  
  
  
Bucky was not okay. After he had thrashed the quarantine room, he locked himself in his apartment and didn't respond to anyone. JARVIS was reluctant to share any information about James' well-being, other than that he was alive and unharmed. Stupid privacy protocols.  
  
Steve had stayed outside Bucky's door for two days straight, but after some cajoling by Sam he had left and was now, Tony checked the feed from the gym, destroying his fifth reinforced punching bag. Sure, why not, eat stale bread because it's a waste to throw away, but punch your way through two million dollar bags like it's nothing.  
  
He jumped up and started pacing. He hated waiting and he hated being patient and he hated he couldn't _do_ anything. He punctuated this with a well aimed kick against a piece of sheet metal, which concealed something very heavy. "Ow! Fuck it!"  
  
Limping slightly, he made his way over to the elevator. This was getting him nowhere. He was going to go to Bucky and be an "adult" and talk about his "feelings". And then he was going to fix this.  
  
  
*****  
Bucky sat with his back to the wall of his bedroom, this was the third day after the incident. He scoffed, 'incident', yeah right. The third day after he had heard his death sentence, more like it.  
  
With a sigh he threw a candy wrapper with the other ones. He had to get out soon, the serum didn't allow him to live on snacks alone.  
  
After three days of alternatively kicking his furniture to shambles and bawling his eyes out, he still hadn't reached a decision. He just was so _tired_.  
  
People had knocked on his door, but he ignored them all, opting to wallow instead. He knew Steve had camped outside his door, but he had left a while ago. Bucky rubbed his face, time to go face the music and stop acting like a damn teenager.  
  
When he had showered and shaved, pulled his hair in a bun and put on some decent clothes, he felt marginally better.  
  
He squared his shoulders and took as deep a breath as the wretched plant allowed. When he opened his door he found himself with his arms full of Tony, who had jumped him as soon as he saw him.  
  
"I was this close to forcing JARVIS to let me enter, screw acting patient and responsible," Tony told his neck. He leaned back and held Bucky's face with both his hands. "I don't know what's wrong or how to beat it, but we'll find a way Bucky, trust me, I'm a genius."  
  
Bucky huffed as Tony put their foreheads together. "It's true, got like six PhDs to prove it." Tony wiggled so Bucky let him go, and the genius started to pace up and down, leaving Bucky to stand awkwardly in the doorway to his suite.  
  
"Okay, so, Pepper, bless her heart, has tried her best to instil some kind of 'rules of proper behaviour' in me." Tony gesticulated while he spoke, even doing the quotation marks, but not looking at him. Bucky felt his throat constrict in anticipation.  
  
Tony proceeded to wring his hands, still pacing. "But there's something I've really wanted to do now for a while and this whole -- _situation_ \-- made me realise I maybe don't have all the time in the world to do it."  
  
He stopped before Bucky, eyes large and earnest. "Tell me if I've been reading this wrong." Bucky couldn't have moved if he tried, pinned in place by Tony's stare.  
  
Tony came closer, alternatively looking between Bucky's eyes and his mouth. Bucky's thoughts stuttered. This couldn't be, there never was an easy way out for him.  
  
He reached for Tony tentatively, putting his hands on the lean hips, and let out a sigh that could have been a sob when Tony's lips touched his. He pulled Tony in all the way, hugging him close and burying his face in the short hairs at the nape of his neck.  
  
Because Tony hugged back just as fiercely, he finally dared to bare his soul and whisper, "I love you Tony. I know you're not supposed to--" He was cut short when Tony pressed their mouths together with more urgency.

 

"Me too, James… and damn this sucky timing, I really couldn't stand to lose you."  
  
Tony backed up a little to look at him, "How bad is it? I assume it's not an easy fix?"  
  
Bucky couldn't help the laugh of relief then, it was probably his imagination, but already he thought he could breath easier.  
  
He peppered Tony's face with kisses, laughing in between, Tony grinning uneasily. "How do you do this, that you keep on saving me?" Bucky asked him, before pulling Tony closer again and kissing him in earnest.  
  
  
  
Looking back he can pinpoint the exact moment he became whole again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted Bucky's flower to signify hope. Unfortunately the plants most commonly associated with this were spruce and almond, which would be a bit too much, even for a super soldier. After some searching the blue iris also came up. 
> 
> Zombie ants are real and I find the idea absolutely terrifying:  
> https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ophiocordyceps_unilateralis
> 
>  
> 
> Come say hi on [Tumblr](http://bill-longbow.tumblr.com) or join us on the [ Stuckony discord server ](https://discord.gg/jtXcc3n) for all things Tony, Bucky and Steve!


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